If You Tell Me I Should Let You Go
by InvidHellCat2
Summary: kokone has been dating SONiKA but now she realizes that it's over and she needs to break away, does she leave and risk being lonely again? SONiKA tries one last time to convince kokone to stay with her, does she succeed in holding on to kokone? Inspired by the AdyS album "SO WHAT" Please R&R
**AUTHOR'S NOTES/LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VOCALOID, KOKONE IS OWNED, BY INTERNET CO. LTD. GALACO IS OWNED BY STARDUST MUSIC AND, SOKINA AND AVANNA ARE OWNED BY ZERO-G LIMITED. ALL COPYRIGHTS AND TRADEMARKS ARE HELD BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. I GOT THE IDEA FOR THIS FIC AFTER LISTENING TO THE ALBUM "SO WHAT" BY ADYS. I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND PLEASE R &R. **

**IF YOU TELL ME I SHOULD LET YOU GO**

 **INVID HELLCAT (4/6/16)**

"Kokone, please don't do this. If you walk away from me now you'll be alone again. Do you really want that?" I hear my now ex-girlfriend say.

The truth is I don't want to walk away from SONiKA but she's left me no choice. I owe her more than I can ever repay. She saved me in nearly sense of the word. When I first moved into this city and stared attending my school I was all alone. The few friends I had, the life I knew was all gone. I was so lonely, the very definition of a stranger in a strange land. I never felt like I fit in anywhere in this new place. I always felt like the outsider looking in only to have the windows shuttered when I did. Then I got depressed, eventually I turned suicidal.

It was after school one beautiful Saturday afternoon I was alone on the roof a knife that I had swiped from the Home Ec. Room in my very shaky hands. Along with a bottle of sleeping pills that I took from my mother's bathroom in my skirt pocket just in case the knife didn't do the trick. I knew this would be the last day of my life. Then I heard a voice cry out to me. Telling me to put the knife down. Almost pleading with me to not do anything stupid. Before I knew it the owner of that voice walked up to me and literally slapped the knife out of hand. She then told me drop anything else I might have on me that could hurt me. Then she took me into an embrace. I cried into her shoulder for I don't know how long. Finally she stood me up and smiled at me.

"I'm SONiKA. What's you're name?" She said to me. I told her my named was Kokone.

I guess you could say that from there we had what could only be called a whirlwind romance. We went from strangers to friends, to best friends, to lovers in less than a week. After that fateful meeting on the roof of our school we spent nearly every second together, and that's really where the problems began. It's not like I wasn't grateful to finally make a new friend, and a girlfriend at that, but I think our relationship developed too quickly. I don't begrudge SONiKA, at her core she really is a sweet girl, and her heart is always in the right place but her actions, more often than not, are in direct conflict with her intent. Now I know now what the old saying about "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" means. She's just the type that always seems to be doing all the wrong things but for all the right reasons. I know that everything she did she was doing for my happiness but at the same time she was smothering me. I started to feel like my entire life was just all about her, and I needed space, I needed to be own person and stand on my two feet.

I've spent most of my life being a shy quiet girl. Before I moved here I only had a couple people I'd call friends, and it took me a long time to actually become friends with them. Their names are Yuzuki Yukari, and IA, although a few people nicknamed her Aria. They both told me that I was too shy for my own good, but after I met SONiKA something changed. Well, at least privately. Publicly I was still the same quiet, shy, introverted girl that everybody knew, but out of view of others I became a completely different person, and honestly at first I didn't even realize it then after I did, I found out I didn't like what I was turning into. My fear was that who I was becoming privately would start leaking into my life publicly as well, and I did not want that.

I said that me and SONiKA went from strangers to friends to best friends to lovers in a week, and I actually mean a week. I guess I felt indebted to her for saving my life. I mean if she hadn't been there I'd be dead. We spent the entire weekend together after that. By Tuesday we had shared our first kiss, and by the following Saturday we… made love for the first time. The pace we were going at was truly dizzying especially for me who had barely ever made any friends before. All these new feelings and sensations were overwhelming and at times I felt I couldn't get enough. As time went on though I started to realize that as wonderful as things were they were equally as terrifying. I started to feel like I was becoming trapped in a cycle. That I no longer had any control over myself, and that these new experiences were controlling me. That was when I knew that I needed to get out. I needed to get some space. I needed to stop and take some time and figure out exactly what I was doing, and what exactly I had done. I didn't feel ashamed that I had fallen in love with another girl. I didn't feel ashamed that I had sex with another girl, but I just had this nagging feeling that something wasn't right, and it scared me. Then it hit me. I was taking things with SONiKA way too fast, or maybe SONiKA was taking things with me way too fast. Either way it wasn't good for me, and I highly doubt it was good for her either.

In truth I don't even know if SONiKA consciously knew what she was doing, but it just started to feel like she was holding on to me tighter and tighter as well. Not literally but figuratively. In truth I knew that I stilled loved her, but at the same time, I had to break away. I felt like I was in a no win situation. There really was no good outcome possible. I knew that when all was said and done and the dust cleared we'd both walk away heartbroken. Who knows if she'd ever speak to me again. The more I thought about everything the more I was convinced that this was sadly the only course of action to take. I think I had painted myself into a corner and left myself no other options. When I finally made the decision to break up with SONiKA I called my fiend IA. I hadn't cried like that in a long time. IA helped me out telling me that I had to do what was best for me. Even though my emotions were conflicted I had to look out for my own self interest. She told me that the relationship I was in was unhealthy, not just because we were both girls, but just how fast everything happened, and the circumstances that brought it about made it unhealthy. It was that little bit of advice from one of my best friends that gave me courage to do the single most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to do. It gave me the courage to tell SONiKA that our relationship was over.

"Kokone, please don't leave me, don't do this to yourself. I don't ever want to see you alone again like you used to be. I don't want to lose you." I can hear SONiKA say as her voice breaks.

"I'm so, so very sorry SONiKA, but this is for the best for both of us. I do love you very much. I think, no I know I'll love you for as long as I live, but I can't. I'm thankful for all you've done for me. You literally brought me back from the brink of death. You rescued me from the darkest despair I've ever known in my life. For that I will always be grateful. But, you're smothering me. I feel like my whole life is you now. I feel like I can't breathe anymore. I feel like I'm trapped inside a cage. I'm sorry SONiKA but it has to be this way." I say and turn away from her so she can't see my tears.

"Kokone." SONiKA says then I hear her break down into deep sobbing. I don't dare look back.

If I see her now I know that my resolve will shatter. I so badly want to take her into my arms and comfort her. I so desperately want us to stay together, but at the same time I can't. If I do it will only make things worse, and the cycle will never end. Finally I hear SONiKA speak again.

"Kokone, I don't want to let you go. I don't want us to be apart. I know that you'll be lonely again." She says obviously begging with me. But there's that word again lonely.

"SONiKA, let me go. I need you to let go of me. You need to let go of me. You keep using the word lonely, but who are talking about, me or yourself?" I ask but my own voice breaks with emotion.

Finally I start walking away. All I can hear is SONiKA calling out to me. Begging and pleading for me to not leave her. I close my eyes and wipe away the tears spilling down my own cheeks. For as heartbroken and sad as I feel right now, I also feel a huge sense of relief. Like a giant weight has been removed from off of my shoulders. I also feel free, free to be the person I'm supposed to be, the person I really am.

Hard to believe that almost ten years have passed since that heartbreaking night. Me and SONiKA had partially reconciled our relationship. SONiKA had started dating a girl named AVANNA, and I started dating a girl named Galaco. In the years since then we both realized that braking up was the right thing to do. Even though it hurt worse than anything else I'd experienced to that point in my life. As my friend Yukari reminded me sometimes we have to be hurt, and sad, in order to fully appreciate the good, happy times.

I was walking through a park when I ran into SONiKA. The sight of her still makes my heart skip a beat. I know I'm still very much in love with her, and I know that the feeling is mutual. This park is the same place we had our first "date" if you could really and truly call it a date, and the fountain we're currently sitting in front of is where we shared our first kiss. Funny thing though this is same fountain where me and Galaco shared our first kiss as well. We're just chatting with each other. Nothing really worth mentioning just two friends catching up with each other.

"This place is always so beautiful this time of year. The flowers in full bloom, the Sakura Trees too. All these colors just make this place so indescribably pretty." SONiKA says I just nod my head in agreement.

"Of course you're beautiful too Kokone." She adds I see her blushing. I feel my face warm up I know I must be blushing too.

"SONiKA you know we can't." I reply even though I want to just one more time, but I'm smart enough and wise enough to know that one more time will become two, then ten, then who knows how many, and we'll just be right back to square one. No worse than that because we'll destroy our current relationships as well.

"Yeah, I know Kokone, but dammit I want to so badly. Like they say though with age comes wisdom. I know now that I royally screwed up. I had something wonderful with you, and I let my ego, my pride, and my stupidity get in the way. I guess, I thought because I helped you get through your depression and stopped you from committing suicide you owned me everything, but now I realize that was just so arrogant and foolish an attitude to have. You were right to leave me. I never gave you room to breathe, and I'm so sorry I did that." SONiKA said. I could hear it in her voice, see it in her body language and in her eyes that she truly meant she was sorry.

"Yeah, but that's ancient history now. Water under the bridge. As it turned out we're both happy now. We both have a wonderful loving girlfriend by our side, and we've repaired enough of the damage between us that we're friends. I'm content with that, and I hope you are too." I say as I smile at her. She just nods her head and returns my smile.

Like the Sakura Trees in this park that were first planted shortly before me and SONiKA started dating, we've dong a lot of growing and maturing. I'm still more or less a quiet shy girl, but I know how to handle other people better, and I'm able to make friends a bit more easily. As far as SONiKA goes, she's a lot more down to Earth than she used to be. She doesn't have the same chokehold on AVANNA as she did on me. I do know one thing for sure my relationship with SONiKA taught me a truth of life. That sometimes you have to experience short term pain and anguish for a long term gain and happiness. A strong gust of wind blows and I look up and see a bunch of blossoms and leaves fly into the sky. It looks so beautiful and it gives me sense of hope for the future.

 _ **THE END.**_

 _ **END NOTES: YAY, I FINALLY COMPLETED ONE I'VE RECENTLY STARTED FOUR NEW FICS THIS IS THE ONLY ONE I'VE FINISHED RECENTLY. IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ADYS'S ALBUM SO WHAT IT FEATURED SONIKA IT'S**_ _ **available ON**_ _ **album/so-what**_ _ **. ANYWAYS I DO HOPE THAT YOU ENJOYED THIS AND HOPEFULLY I'LL GET THOSE OTHER FICS FINISHED SOON. Also Ia is owned by: 1**_ _ **st**_ _ **place co. ltd. And yuzuki yukari is own by: ah-software co. ltd. All copyrights and trademarks are reserved to them. PEACE OUT TILL NEXT TIME, INVID HELLCAT (4/7/16)**_


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